Thank you Lord for the love that surrounds Ash. Thank you for the love that Ashley pours out, in her sharing and in her caring. Thank you because it all shows up in Sunny. In her strong mind and spirit. Lord we pray that everything that goes into Ashley's body (Chemo, Vitamin C, everything) work for your glory, for her healing. That every hand that touches her be your hand, holy and healing. And please bless her aching feet. Amen

The new, working dishwasher

I give thanks today for refreshing rain, loving friends and for the installation of Ashley's new dishwasher. Thank you for Caroline's efficiency and determination, for Eugene and availability and willingness to shuttle the new and old machines in his truck, for Israel who spent his Saturday afternoon installing it, for Walker who cheerfully learned and helped, and for all who are making the purchase possible. It was a joyful celebration when we turned it on and (surprise!) it worked! Cristobal, do you think you can publish us a picture? What about Sunny modeling like Vanna White and pointing to the panels?]
Even though Al insists that somebody could have fixed the old one, we were all thankful it was gone. Scooping the dirty water pooled in its bottom before we pulled it out, I felt I was getting rid of frustration and sickness. It was very symbolic. I wish we could do the same with Ashley's tumors.

I pray that you, God, Creator, Spirit of the Universe, will scoop those tumors out like dirty water. Scoop them out in some way. Through the power of the chemicals, the vitamin C, and the love and prayers that are lifted up daily.

We continue to pray for rest and healing as Ashley recovers from the chemo. Keep her from catching any colds or infections as this time of low resistance. We pray that the pain in her bones will decrease and that she will be able to sleep and recover quickly. Thank you for Amy's presence this weekend and her loving, tender care. She is an angel to our Ashley. Bless her with abundant grace and strength as she prepares food and mixes medicines and ministers to our friend.

Thank you, God, for your love, manifested through so many people. As we each pray in the name by which we know you, I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen

Prayer for rest and strength

God, forgive me for letting the hours go by without a centering thought, without a prayer. I forget that life is not about deadlines and impatient staff or students in crisis. It's about relating to each one and making a connection and remembering, as least for little bits of time, who I am and who are the people I love and need to think and pray about. Like Ashley.

Yesterday evening Ashley was already showing the ravages of chemo and having her arm poked dozens of times to put a "line" for the vitamin C. She was also worn out by the friends that are just finding out that she is sick again and can hardly hold themselves together until walking out the door. It's so exhausting to tell people and console people, even for me, and I'm not the one fighting for my life. Please, God, give Ashley rest and healing. Give her the strength to organize well-wishers and put them to work or to send them home when she needs to. Including me. Help her to feel the comfort of a soft bed and a soft pillow and a warm blanket and peace and quiet.

God, thank you for the couple that brought food to Ashley last night. The food was exactly what Ashley needed and the enthusiasm with which Sunny ate and pronounced it "fantastic" was a blessing. These women did more than feed Ashley nourishing food. They nourished her soul.

Today, I pray for rest and strength. Bless Ashley and surround her with your love. Amen

CHEMO UPDATE from Ashley

Hello All,

Al and I survived chemotherapy all right today. The intravenous benadryl makes me drunk in the silliest way (I have to stifle the giggles) and then I conk out for a few hours. Then I come to but am too groggy to do much but listen to music.

Today I listened to Nina Simone all day, to whom I was introduced by Howie and Trude in 1983 and it's been pure bliss ever since. I never get tired of Nina and for me, she works for every mood. I think, however, that today while wearing headphones I was singing along a little too loudly. People were looking at me and they weren't happy (not that people are all that happy in a chemo infusion room).

I feel the need to summarize the cancer treatments we're pursuing. First, we are doing conventional and caustic (to put it mildly) chemotherapy to try to put the cancer in remission. These drugs are carboplatin, taxol and avastin. That is all covered by insurance except for co-pays.

We are pursuing complementary therapies that are not covered by insurance and will add up to around $5000 over the next month. $4000 will be to receive 18 infusions of intravenous vitamin C. There are about a dozen research articles on the hostile environment extremely high levels of vitamin c in your plasma cause to cancer cells (while working no harm to healthy, noncancerous cells). See, e.g., this blog entry from Chapel Hillians Mark Mead, MSc and Michael Sharp, M.D.at <http://www.globalhealingoptions.com/Blog/Entries/2008/7/21_Entry_1.html>, where they reference much of this work.

The other uncovered costs are mostly nutritional, which I'll write about another time.

Speaking of nutritional therapies, the food everyone has been bringinghas been just amazing and much eaten and appreciated! Thank you.

Thank you for the dishwasher Carolina and others.

Thank you for everything.

Love,
Ashley

Keeping Ashley in the light

God, I guess you already know it's rained all day. We needed the rain, but it was sad to think of Ashley having to navigate the deluge to get to the hospital and thinking of her listening to the rain all day and all evening. Yes, I know there are wonderful things we ought to be thankful for today, but mostly, I'm sad and want to ask for some sunshine. Let there be a beautiful Carolina sky tomorrow for Ashley. Bless and heal her spirit as well as her body.

Thank you for the tornado-in-the-making not touching down. While Sofia hid in the basement bathroom waiting for the tornado watch to pass, I thought of my friend Ashley. She doesn't have a basement. Surely she wouldn't have to face chemotherapy and a tornado on the same day! I guess we are really fortunate in so many ways we don't even think of. We didn't have a tornado, or an explosion, or a major accident, ... but it's hard to be thankful for what didn't go wrong when we are facing such a difficult diagnosis. God, remind us of the incredible odds against human life developing out of chaos, the incredible odds against lasting friendships and love, and having just one perfect day. But we've had so many. So help Ashley beat the odds. Give her renewed strength and life so that she can continue to bless and be blessed. We treasure her and need her and pray tonight for her healing and for rest.

I pray also for Sunny's friend Emmett's surgery tomorrow. Heal him. Bless him, one of Ashley's many community children. Give them both comfort and rest. Amen.

Help welcomed, needed

Tonight I received this email from Trude:
Maria,I saw Ashley today and asked her whether we should try to
raise money to pay (or help pay) the $4,000 for her new
treatment. She reluctantly said yes --the cost has really been
bothering her...maybe we can think of some things we could do to
raise money.

So here is our appeal, in Trude's words:
Ashley has decided to try some complementary therapies that may strengthen the effects of her chemotherapy. She is feeling hopeful and excited about this, but insurance won't cover these kinds of alternative treatments. The $4,000 cost is putting extra pressure on her, so we are letting you know that donations of any amount would help a lot to relieve some of that stress."

I am comfortable collecting (picking up)checks to give to Ashley and
Al, but of course contributions can also be mailed to them directly to 415 Patterson Place, Chapel Hill, NC 27516.

PLEASE know that we don't want anyone to feel guilty if they cannot contribute. This is just a good place to let everyone know that help is needed and welcomed.
____________

God, it's been such a loooong day. Thank you that Ashley felt up to walking the dog this afternoon. We pray for her response to this treatment. Make it effective and healing.

I feel sad and like a traitor because I'm falling asleep and can't even pray any longer. Hear my quiet longing, loving God, and accept my tired prayer. You know what Ashley needs. No amount of wakefulness on our part can help our friend tonight, but you can. Please heal her and comfort her and give her rest. I ask for grace, as Ashley's friend. Amen

In prayer

As Ashley gets infused with more vitamin c, we pray again, Creator and Healer, for her body and spirit to heal. Heal her wounded pride and help her be proud of blessing us with the opportunity to serve and be useful. Help her to realize that sharing her struggles has enriched us all and made us better people. It's a wisdom and a newfound appreciation for life and friendship that makes each day precious. We feel blessed just because our lives have intersected with hers and now we realized how much better we are for it. How we are better persons and better friends. Thank you, God, for Ashley. We ask for healing that she may have many years to continue living and blessing just by being herself. Thank you for gifting us with Ashley, Al and Sunny.
And thanks for the new dishwasher Caroline is ordering today. Help us get it paid for and set up without creating a major disruption for Ashley. Selfishly, I realize that I'd rather be needed and drop by to wash dishes and fuss at Al for not keeping the kitchen spotless and disinfected. Giving Ash and Al the equipment to do their own dishes and not have to put up with well-meaning helpers is the right thing to do. Help me know that even when I'm not there being useful, I can continue to lift them up in prayer and love. Amen