CH News Article, Responses

The article about Ashley's cancer came out today in the CH News. I've been holding my breath, shy about writing my prayers as I worried about what strangers might think about my faith, my motives, etc. Then on Wednesday I called the editor and asked that they take out the references to this blog. I felt that it would be such an invasion of Ashley's privacy, for everybody and anybody to read our prayers. Maybe it was more my own feeling of inadequacy. I hope not. Now, reading some of the emails I've received, I'm not so sure I should have kept this prayer blog private. There is a whole community out there fighting cancer and struggling, and they are doing it with courage and grace and love.
From Illinois I got this email:

Hi Maria,

As the husband of a woman who has worked through two bouts of treatment for
ovarian cancer, I set up a Google search on new treatments for the disease.
Can't say there's been much breakthrough news the last 4 years, but I keep
looking.

Your story on your friend Ashley did show up in my inbox, however. Thanks
for communicating some of the challenges and pain in treating this disease.
I am sorry she is fighting cancer in other areas of her body. We had some
move into the abdominal cavity and treated it with interperitoneal
chemotherapy, which was rough.

Last fall when my wife's cancer returned after a year it was most shocking,
and it cost her emotionally in many ways. But we went after it again. So far
it has not returned. But we hold our breath every appointment.

Obviously we've been changed too. You are right about looking into the
future. It can be tough.

But the present has enough challenges. Here's a little prayer that you can
continue to meet them together.


Christopher L. Cudworth
367 Republic Road
Batavia, IL 60510
Cudworthfix@gmail.com

I've also heard from folks in Durham and Chatham, some know Ashley, some don't. They ALL wish her healing and peace. As the Moravians say, they're holding her in the Light.

God, Thank you for our common humanity and for a glimpse at what is good in people. Thank you for Thanksgiving and the amazing joy that Ashley's family brought to Chapel Hill. Thank you for letting me get acquainted with Laura's beautiful singing and sense of humor and Katie's patience and loving care for her siblings. Thank you for Joe and his beautiful manners and eagerness to help and be useful. Thanks for Keaton and Jesse. Thanks for Sunny and her joy and laughter. Your love was everywhere, God. It filled the space between us and warmed us and blessed our fellowship. Maybe your love was in our fellowship, and that's why we felt your presence. Did you laugh at our jokes and enjoy our music? Thanks for music and laughter.

God, we need a miracle of healing and we're asking for it today. In the name of our love and joy, and in the name of Jesus, our guide and healer, we pray for every cancer cell in Ashley's body to respond to the chemotherapies, past or yet to come. We pray for complete cleansing of Ashley's lungs. Because we love her and we know the world is better for her being in it, we ask boldly. May it be so. Amen.

Prayers from Phoenix, more saints

God, thanks for another birthday. Thanks that I got to celebrate it in a new place in a new way. It made me start with no expectations, so everything was "bonus." Thank you for the mariachis that serenaded me and for the cake my students bought me. Thank you that I can look at my family from a distance and realize how much I love them and miss them and how small the aggravations are. Thank you for the beautiful birthday song Mike sent me and all the work he put into it. Forgive me for first looking at the time of the email and thinking "he should have been sleeping!" instead of "thank you for the love that kept him up." How can I be thankful when I worry so much? When I do this, help me transcend the worry and focus, like Ashley, on breathing and honoring the day.

Thank you God, that Ashley is taking care of herself. Thank you that she is willing to love herself enough to rest, eat the right things, set some boundaries. Help me learn from her to honor the life enough that I treat my body with respect and do everything possible to live each day as a gift.

God, thanks for the gift of the church universal. [I was walking to the hotel yesterday when the noon time bells of a church started ringing. I found myself only a block from my hotel, in the middle of modern, tall buildings, staring at a little adobe church that looked like it had come out of a postcard. I climbed up the steps to find myself in the first Catholic church built in Arizona as people were coming in to mass. All types of downtown folks, from business guys to construction workers.] God, I guess you know there is construction everywhere in this beautiful, sunny city. Please don't let us ruin your creation with sprawl. [It was a regular mass, but the Italian-American priest that sang the mass was celebrating the day of St. Frances Cabrini, the first US saint. She is my birthday saint! And what a woman. She refused to "go home" when the Bishop of NY told her to, and she started 67 institutions, from orphanages to hospitals.] God, you've had amazing women working for justice for many centuries. I can't get over this perfect birthday gift to remind me of strong women across the ages, defying authority and doing good regardless of the support or lack thereof of their superiors.

God, thanks that Ashley is in such good company as she tries to right society's wrongs. Thanks that we are in the company of strong women, saints that have come before and saints that walk with us. Bless them. Bless us. Bless Ashley with a good day of improving health. Restore her strength and give her a day of laughter and joy.

Thank you for Benji and The Laramie Project. Thank you that he has a teacher that cares enough to put on this transformational show. Bless Ashley and Al tonight when they watch it and the whole audience. Move them, move us, to work each day to eradicate hatred from your world.
I pray today in the company of all the strong women who have served you, and in the name of Jesus, our healer, comforter, and strength. Amen.

Leaving for Phoenix

I'm about to leave the office. 17 students are loading the van and my car for our ride to the airport, and my chest is so tight I can hardly breathe. The first time I took a "business trip" after coming to G'boro to work, I was panicked. Ashley, you helped me write my will. I remember Cristobal was going to take care of everyone if something happened to Mike and me. Of course we were fine. But I hate leaving everyone. Ash, take care. I love you. I'll be praying up in the clouds as we travel and even during the long, boring conferences. If we get to the Grand Canyon I'll pray for you to the awesome God that made it.

God, take care of Ash. Take care of my family. Bless each of them and grant them peace and wisdom and love. Let them know I'm thinking of them long-distance. Amen

A prayer in the midst of disappointment

Thank you, God, for the good stuff that has happened today. For Sunny's piano playing and for the noodles we shared on Franklin Street. Thank you that Ashley has so many shoulders to cry on and people who love her and will be praying for her through her newest challenge.

God, after the beautiful Obama win, the bad news of Ashley's tumor growing seems very unfair. Why couldn't we just turn our attention now to helping bring about justice and good?

Help Ashley to have the wisdom she needs to make decisions about her care. We can't know for sure what will work, but help her build on the trust she has for her doctor to come up with the best route. And give us the wisdom we need to support her through this time. Bless Al and Sunny. Amen

Election Day

I'm praying for an Obama landslide. I'm also aware that there are all kinds of people praying for completely different results. I remember when Dukakis was the candidate and Cristobal was a little boy. When the Republicans won, he cried. "How could they not vote for Michael Dukakis? Don't they know he speaks Spanish and he belongs to the ACLU?" he asked. I had to explain to Cristobal that while those were some of the reasons we were voting for him, for many people those were reasons not to vote for Democrats. Then we all cried. We were living in West Virginia, and it was a lonely feeling watching many of our neighbors celebrate, although our music minister made a pastoral visit and confessed to us that he was a "closet democrat."

I believe that there are good and holy prayers and then there is voiced hatred and fear. Probably on both sides. I've caught myself wishing ugly things. Then I ask God to forgive my flights of fantasy and help me to have the wisdom that could help people catch a vision of what this country could become. How close can we come to MLK's dream? To the beloved community?

On the way to work this morning I saw a mother and son (about 10 years old I guess), standing in the rain on MLK Boulevard with Obama signs. I was inspired. I wish Ashley and I and Sunny and Sofia and all our friends were in good enough health and were able to do the same. I'm glad Ashley is working with the Center for Civil Rights today responding to calls. Not bad for a gal past her 12-weeks of life expectancy! Ash, you are also our inspiration.

God, I pray for good news for Ashley. I pray for kindness and civility and for a glimpse at our better selves today at the polls. I pray for many years of continuing to work with Al and Ashley to make our society more just and equal. Bless Ash with strength and health. Amen.

Ashley and San Martin

November 3: Christian feast of St. Martin of Porres (d. 1639), healer and advocate of social equality and inter-ethnic harmony; guide of healers and human rights activists.

Looking at my interfaith prayer calendar, I found this entry for today. I think it's the most beautiful coincidence. St. Martin de Porres is a Peruvian mulato (son of a Spanish nobleman and a former slave from Panama) who was given to a doctor at age 10 by his poor mother. He worked healing the sick and later entered a Dominican monastery where he became a servant in the infirmary. Because of his healing and piety, he was allowed to become a "brother" despite being black (which would have disqualified him)--probably because he was better at healing than any of the white brothers! He was a friend of Sta. Rosa de Lima and part of the whole religious movement that bucked the caste system. St. Martin would bring Indians and slaves into his room and the infirmary, and when he was forbidden to do so, he established a hospital and an orphanage. All with lots of humility and with such amazing results that his administrators and superiors had to go along...at least pretending that they were supporting him.

Although the people of Lima started trying to get Rome to declare him a saint (with all the requisite proofs), it took over two hundred years for the Vatican to budge. It was not until 1962 that he was declared a saint. What perseverance!

I'm not sure what the lesson is here. Maybe that for justice and racial harmony to win it takes a long time? Actually, I'd rather think that this coincidence is a reminder that we are all linked. That there is a "great cloud of witnesses" that is praying with us and that Ashley's healing is part of the ongoing struggle for wholeness in our broken world. AND, of course, a reminder that it is good and fitting that on Nov. 3 we are all praying (like San Martin) for healing and human rights in Ashley's life.

Thank you, God, for this little miracle. Heal Ashley. Bless Barack Obama. Bless us as we pray.
Amen