It's been several days of not writing. To be honest, it's been several days of being angry and frustrated and having conversations with God that are not fit for this blog. I've realized that feeling sorry for myself is not conducive to being productive and really results in worse problems. The problem is turning myself around is difficult. How does one muster the gumption to stay positive when everything seems to be going wrong? Worse, when I seem to be doing things wrong and the problems are mostly of my making?
I have a student that tells me he is in college thanks to the fact his mother didn't speak English. He had to interpret for an elementary teacher and try to explain to his mother that he was way behind, couldn't understand what was going on, and ought to be tested in case he was mentally retarded. He didn't tell his mother any of that and instead decided to prove to the teacher he was not dumb. He worked twice as hard as the other kids--he still does. But he's about to finish his engineering degree. I thought of this student after hearing Baldemar Velazquez (FLOC organizer and minister) preach at the Black/Brown conference last week. He said he turned his life around after a football game. He had scored 4 touchdowns and helped win the game, but the blond and handsome quarterback told him after the game: "You may be fast and you may be able to score, but you are still a dumb Mexican." He said that after that he never got anything below a B again.
Yet all I feel right now is discouraged. Sick (mostly from not eating right and living right like Ashley), and sad. So, having exhausted my "self-pity" mode, I'm going to pray like I'm supposed to, trusting that this discipline of prayer will become the feelings of thanksgiving and love and peace that I know I could be experiencing right now--if I look at things differently. All I have to do is think about Ashley and life, and keep praying.
God, Creator, thanks that when my car broke down in the middle of I-40, going 70 miles per hour, nothing bad happened. Thank you that I was able to coast safely and get help. Thanks for roadside assistance. Thanks for mechanics. And thanks that my bad day gave somebody work and income.
Thank you God for all the work of this week. Thanks for the work that pays and the work that you have called me to do outside of this. For the privilege of being a bridge-builder. Thanks for the NAACP and its convention this week. Thanks for A&T and Homecoming. And forgive me for not being wiser, when your wisdom is available and all I have to do is listen.
I pray for Ashley right now. Help the vitamin C have a positive effect on her cells and help her win this invisible fight. Bless her as she faces another day of chemo and another week of the side effects. May she be strengthened by the love around her and the many people thinking and praying for her. Give her peace and rest and help her remember all the good things that life has to offer as her mind wonders and deals with the pain or discomfort. BLess her with beauty and joy in the middle of it all. BLess Al and Sunny and her whole extended family. Give Tim culinary inspiration and Barbara health that they may enjoy the best Thanksgiving yet. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment