Dear God, Creator, Sustainer, Spirit of Comfort and Spirit of Beauty and Truth,
Thank you for the weekend, especially for Ashley's garden and Caroline's Halloween party. It is good to see folks just having silly fun. It was good to see Ashley and Al and Sunny laughing and visiting and just enjoying another day of life. Thanks for Caroline's creativity and Jamie's enthusiasm and their willingness to include some of us old, old, old friends in their celebration. Even though we're always late and seldom have a costume. Thank you that they don't hold us to their standard...or any standard, for that matter.
Thank you, God, for the healing that has taken place so far. Ipray for more good news. Please cleanse Ashley of the tumors and restore her to health. I see the perfection of creation, from the smallest plants to the incredible sky, and know that anything is possible. I trust in the power of love, our love and yours. Fill our lives with love and joy today, and help us to have so much that it overflows and heals us...and each other. Give Ashley continued hope; help her to feel the love that is coming from all the people who know her.
God, I pray for Emmett. Heal him from his broken arm. Give both Emmett and Ashley renewed strength today.
As I pray, I am thinking about St. Francis, who brought healing to his community. It seems appropriate to think of him when thinking about Ashley and the work she does, fighting for "the least of these." I pray that Ashley's health will allow her to continue working with those marginalized and treated unjustly in our society. God, give her strength, health, hope and joy. I pray in the name of your Jesus, healer and life-giver. Amen.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
God Almighty,
Thank you for the sunshine. It's cold, but it's beautiful. Keep Ashley warm. Help her to eat enough and to get over her cold and her chemo cough.
Thank you for the beautiful garden that is taking shape at her place. Thank you that some of our friends are such gifted gardeners. It takes a lot of love or talent or both to create a garden. I think both, because as much as I would have loved to help, I knew it was better not to try. But thank you that she can enjoy the gifts of great gardeners and great friends. Thank you that Ashley's plants are prospering. Bless the new ones that are coming for the new garden, and help them prosper in the new soil.
Help us all prosper in the soil of uncertainty, fear, and confusion. Help us find nurturing soil that allows us to grow strong roots. Bless Ashley and Al and Sunny, that they may feel the sun's warmth and the warmth or the love and care of their friends.
Amen
Thank you for the sunshine. It's cold, but it's beautiful. Keep Ashley warm. Help her to eat enough and to get over her cold and her chemo cough.
Thank you for the beautiful garden that is taking shape at her place. Thank you that some of our friends are such gifted gardeners. It takes a lot of love or talent or both to create a garden. I think both, because as much as I would have loved to help, I knew it was better not to try. But thank you that she can enjoy the gifts of great gardeners and great friends. Thank you that Ashley's plants are prospering. Bless the new ones that are coming for the new garden, and help them prosper in the new soil.
Help us all prosper in the soil of uncertainty, fear, and confusion. Help us find nurturing soil that allows us to grow strong roots. Bless Ashley and Al and Sunny, that they may feel the sun's warmth and the warmth or the love and care of their friends.
Amen
Friday, October 17, 2008
FROM ASHLEY
This evening I was lying with acupuncture needles in my legs and arms,nodding off and blissed out. Most every day there's some pleasure -- often several pleasures -- waiting for me. Food, music, books, photo albums, scrapbooks, computer assistance, acupuncture, emails, cards, meditation help, massage, parties, gardens, phone calls, a clean house, the assurance of medical care, a great job to go to -- gift after gift after gift.
I am trained on keeping life positive -- truly working hard at it. But my load is so much less than it could be. There seems to be no end to the love other people keep putting in my sails. The simple truth but total miracle is that I am genuinely having a lot of fun most every day.
So thanks.
I am trained on keeping life positive -- truly working hard at it. But my load is so much less than it could be. There seems to be no end to the love other people keep putting in my sails. The simple truth but total miracle is that I am genuinely having a lot of fun most every day.
So thanks.
Answered Prayers
I wasn't going to post what I wrote on Sunday, but reading what Ashley sent me last night (next post) I decided it was worth sharing. It is just such a beautiful example of answered prayer. I basically asked God to help me get an attitude adjustment. I was willing (trying) to listen, to slow down, to be thankful for life), so that I could keep praying and loving my family and friends. Ashley is part of both groups. And then I realized that Ashley has discovered that secret and is living with joy. She takes the bad with the good and focuses each minute on the good. And I can be part (when I do have the attitude and faith) to be part of the good. Thank you, God.
The most fun I had this week is crashing Ashley's house with Sofia and doing the dishes. Sofi was really worried that we would "get caught." But of course we did, because we left behind a jacket, chicha, etc. My daughter, who NEVER gets excited about doing ANY housework whatsoever, was excited and helpful, sneaking in to do a good deed. I think Ashley has unleashed a powerful force for good out on the community. It's transforming people. I'm praying it will even work its magic on the elections.
Well, God, I'm running to do a presentation in Raleigh. Give me kind words to speak to the teachers there. I pray for safety on the road. No more exciting rescues, please. Please let mechanics have enough work without me today. Help Ashley have a great, joyful, feel-good day. Bless Sunny and Al and Luna. Love, Maria
The most fun I had this week is crashing Ashley's house with Sofia and doing the dishes. Sofi was really worried that we would "get caught." But of course we did, because we left behind a jacket, chicha, etc. My daughter, who NEVER gets excited about doing ANY housework whatsoever, was excited and helpful, sneaking in to do a good deed. I think Ashley has unleashed a powerful force for good out on the community. It's transforming people. I'm praying it will even work its magic on the elections.
Well, God, I'm running to do a presentation in Raleigh. Give me kind words to speak to the teachers there. I pray for safety on the road. No more exciting rescues, please. Please let mechanics have enough work without me today. Help Ashley have a great, joyful, feel-good day. Bless Sunny and Al and Luna. Love, Maria
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Praying for the long view (drafted last week)
It's been several days of not writing. To be honest, it's been several days of being angry and frustrated and having conversations with God that are not fit for this blog. I've realized that feeling sorry for myself is not conducive to being productive and really results in worse problems. The problem is turning myself around is difficult. How does one muster the gumption to stay positive when everything seems to be going wrong? Worse, when I seem to be doing things wrong and the problems are mostly of my making?
I have a student that tells me he is in college thanks to the fact his mother didn't speak English. He had to interpret for an elementary teacher and try to explain to his mother that he was way behind, couldn't understand what was going on, and ought to be tested in case he was mentally retarded. He didn't tell his mother any of that and instead decided to prove to the teacher he was not dumb. He worked twice as hard as the other kids--he still does. But he's about to finish his engineering degree. I thought of this student after hearing Baldemar Velazquez (FLOC organizer and minister) preach at the Black/Brown conference last week. He said he turned his life around after a football game. He had scored 4 touchdowns and helped win the game, but the blond and handsome quarterback told him after the game: "You may be fast and you may be able to score, but you are still a dumb Mexican." He said that after that he never got anything below a B again.
Yet all I feel right now is discouraged. Sick (mostly from not eating right and living right like Ashley), and sad. So, having exhausted my "self-pity" mode, I'm going to pray like I'm supposed to, trusting that this discipline of prayer will become the feelings of thanksgiving and love and peace that I know I could be experiencing right now--if I look at things differently. All I have to do is think about Ashley and life, and keep praying.
God, Creator, thanks that when my car broke down in the middle of I-40, going 70 miles per hour, nothing bad happened. Thank you that I was able to coast safely and get help. Thanks for roadside assistance. Thanks for mechanics. And thanks that my bad day gave somebody work and income.
Thank you God for all the work of this week. Thanks for the work that pays and the work that you have called me to do outside of this. For the privilege of being a bridge-builder. Thanks for the NAACP and its convention this week. Thanks for A&T and Homecoming. And forgive me for not being wiser, when your wisdom is available and all I have to do is listen.
I pray for Ashley right now. Help the vitamin C have a positive effect on her cells and help her win this invisible fight. Bless her as she faces another day of chemo and another week of the side effects. May she be strengthened by the love around her and the many people thinking and praying for her. Give her peace and rest and help her remember all the good things that life has to offer as her mind wonders and deals with the pain or discomfort. BLess her with beauty and joy in the middle of it all. BLess Al and Sunny and her whole extended family. Give Tim culinary inspiration and Barbara health that they may enjoy the best Thanksgiving yet. Amen.
I have a student that tells me he is in college thanks to the fact his mother didn't speak English. He had to interpret for an elementary teacher and try to explain to his mother that he was way behind, couldn't understand what was going on, and ought to be tested in case he was mentally retarded. He didn't tell his mother any of that and instead decided to prove to the teacher he was not dumb. He worked twice as hard as the other kids--he still does. But he's about to finish his engineering degree. I thought of this student after hearing Baldemar Velazquez (FLOC organizer and minister) preach at the Black/Brown conference last week. He said he turned his life around after a football game. He had scored 4 touchdowns and helped win the game, but the blond and handsome quarterback told him after the game: "You may be fast and you may be able to score, but you are still a dumb Mexican." He said that after that he never got anything below a B again.
Yet all I feel right now is discouraged. Sick (mostly from not eating right and living right like Ashley), and sad. So, having exhausted my "self-pity" mode, I'm going to pray like I'm supposed to, trusting that this discipline of prayer will become the feelings of thanksgiving and love and peace that I know I could be experiencing right now--if I look at things differently. All I have to do is think about Ashley and life, and keep praying.
God, Creator, thanks that when my car broke down in the middle of I-40, going 70 miles per hour, nothing bad happened. Thank you that I was able to coast safely and get help. Thanks for roadside assistance. Thanks for mechanics. And thanks that my bad day gave somebody work and income.
Thank you God for all the work of this week. Thanks for the work that pays and the work that you have called me to do outside of this. For the privilege of being a bridge-builder. Thanks for the NAACP and its convention this week. Thanks for A&T and Homecoming. And forgive me for not being wiser, when your wisdom is available and all I have to do is listen.
I pray for Ashley right now. Help the vitamin C have a positive effect on her cells and help her win this invisible fight. Bless her as she faces another day of chemo and another week of the side effects. May she be strengthened by the love around her and the many people thinking and praying for her. Give her peace and rest and help her remember all the good things that life has to offer as her mind wonders and deals with the pain or discomfort. BLess her with beauty and joy in the middle of it all. BLess Al and Sunny and her whole extended family. Give Tim culinary inspiration and Barbara health that they may enjoy the best Thanksgiving yet. Amen.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Praying for good news
Ashley is starting another month of vitamin C treatments. This is possible because of the number of people who have sent contributions to help pay for the expensive first round of Vitamin C. It's cumbersome (2 hours a day, six days per week hooked up to the i.v.), and expensive; but Ashley and Al attribute some of the improvement--we don't know how much--to this treatment. Her doctor offered the option of continuing, and they decided to go ahead. If there is any chance of continuing the positive effects, then they're going to go for broke. We'll know with the next scan how well it's working. I have faith that all the prayers and hard work Ashley is doing and positive karma and good thoughts from lapsed Presbyterians are all contributing to her healing.
Today Ashley told me we'll find out on the same day 1) how her tumors are responding and2) whether Barack Obama won the elections. Nov. 4 is going to be one big day of celebration. So, I'm going to start praying for and "claiming" the good news right now. On both fronts.
God, we need good news. The world cannot afford more war, I started to watch a documentary today, in preparation for a screening we're having at A&T, and I lasted 10 minutes. It made me sick to think of all the people who are in need of food, clean water, medicine... I wonder how you feel, Creator Spirit. We pray for our children, but they are ALL your children. And it's also your children who are profiting from war. Or are they? Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God." I guess we cannot call warmongers your children. Please help us elect peace.
I also ask for Ashley's health. Cleanse her lungs and strengthen her immune system. Give her body the strength it needs to fight the cancer. Make the tumors disappear. Give her rest and a good night's sleep.
Bless Sunny and Al and fill their home with grace and love. Thanks for Al and his work this week with the NAACP. Thanks for Rev. Barber and his prophetic voice. Bless him with improved health. Order his steps that he may find a path to healing and continue to serve you. Grant that he and Ashley may see immigration reform come to pass under an Obama administration. We pray for all these miracles-- miracles of personal and social healing. In faith we ask. Amen.
Today Ashley told me we'll find out on the same day 1) how her tumors are responding and2) whether Barack Obama won the elections. Nov. 4 is going to be one big day of celebration. So, I'm going to start praying for and "claiming" the good news right now. On both fronts.
God, we need good news. The world cannot afford more war, I started to watch a documentary today, in preparation for a screening we're having at A&T, and I lasted 10 minutes. It made me sick to think of all the people who are in need of food, clean water, medicine... I wonder how you feel, Creator Spirit. We pray for our children, but they are ALL your children. And it's also your children who are profiting from war. Or are they? Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God." I guess we cannot call warmongers your children. Please help us elect peace.
I also ask for Ashley's health. Cleanse her lungs and strengthen her immune system. Give her body the strength it needs to fight the cancer. Make the tumors disappear. Give her rest and a good night's sleep.
Bless Sunny and Al and fill their home with grace and love. Thanks for Al and his work this week with the NAACP. Thanks for Rev. Barber and his prophetic voice. Bless him with improved health. Order his steps that he may find a path to healing and continue to serve you. Grant that he and Ashley may see immigration reform come to pass under an Obama administration. We pray for all these miracles-- miracles of personal and social healing. In faith we ask. Amen.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Mi Escuelita Reunion
Saturday was a beautiful, beautiful day. Not only did the sun shine all day, but Ashley, Al, and Sunny hosted a reunion of Mi Escuelita, the bilingual preschool that was Sunny's second home growing up and Ashley's second (unpaid) job, and created a nurturing, loving community of diverse peoples who still think of each other as family. I was late arriving, but it was evident that hundreds of hours of work had paid off. Thanks Caroline and Tanya and all the folks who responded to the invitations and phonecalls. Thanks to Caroline's family and Tanya's family. I know EVERYONE pitched in. The house looked perfect, from the baloons and streamers to the ongoing picture show in the living room (can you believe our children were that cute and we were that young???), to the fantastic food and the amazing soccer game that lasted four hours. I understand why the kids didn't want to leave. I didn't either. When Tanya asked me "Wouldn't it be great if this moment could last forever?" I agreed from the bottom of my heart. I do think this is a little of my idea of heaven: lots of children, lots of love, lots of wonderful food and friendship and everyone wishing only the very best for everyone else. And personally invested in each other's happiness. Amen.
Thank you, God, for the families of Mi Escuelita that through the years have invested in our common dream. Thanks for Maria Elena and Ana and the original teachers and parents who couldn't come. Thanks for Gabi and Katushka and the wonderful teachers that came and went through the years. I thank you specially that you brought Ashley and Sunny to Mi Escuelita on their daily walks and that they became part of this family. I remember Sunny before she could walk, carried up the steps behind my office to the swing, always with her big hats lest Ashley find her getting direct exposure, always happy and determined. Thank you that Ashley agreed to be on the board and chair our board, even when nobody really knew what we were doing. Thank you for bringing Nancy and Mayi and Caroline and all the other board members to help make decisions. God, all I had was a vision and the belief that what we were trying to do was absolutely and totally essential to the human development of our children. How could Sofia grow up to be the person I wanted her to be if I had to choose between Black or White childcare, rich or poor? There had to be an alternative. Thank you that Ashley already had that vision and had been working on making Chapel Hill the kind of town where Mi Escuelita could become a reality. Thank you for her expertise and her friends who helped only because they believed in her.
God, bless Ashley tonight. Heal her and strengthen her that we may enjoy many more reunions and grow old watching our children playing and laughing together. Amen.
Thank you, God, for the families of Mi Escuelita that through the years have invested in our common dream. Thanks for Maria Elena and Ana and the original teachers and parents who couldn't come. Thanks for Gabi and Katushka and the wonderful teachers that came and went through the years. I thank you specially that you brought Ashley and Sunny to Mi Escuelita on their daily walks and that they became part of this family. I remember Sunny before she could walk, carried up the steps behind my office to the swing, always with her big hats lest Ashley find her getting direct exposure, always happy and determined. Thank you that Ashley agreed to be on the board and chair our board, even when nobody really knew what we were doing. Thank you for bringing Nancy and Mayi and Caroline and all the other board members to help make decisions. God, all I had was a vision and the belief that what we were trying to do was absolutely and totally essential to the human development of our children. How could Sofia grow up to be the person I wanted her to be if I had to choose between Black or White childcare, rich or poor? There had to be an alternative. Thank you that Ashley already had that vision and had been working on making Chapel Hill the kind of town where Mi Escuelita could become a reality. Thank you for her expertise and her friends who helped only because they believed in her.
God, bless Ashley tonight. Heal her and strengthen her that we may enjoy many more reunions and grow old watching our children playing and laughing together. Amen.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Inspiration from the Mountains
It was an icredibly busy weekend and now it's half-way through the week and I'm still feeling like it's Monday.
I spent the weekend in Asheville with Benji looking at UNCA. He's going to apply and hopes to attend school in the mountains. I couldn't help but think about Ashley the whole time. She must have been inspired by those mountains from an early age. I can picture her--a radical feminist, probably by age 5, trying to fight for justice while singing and dancing and looking like a cute little imp. Sorry, Ash, but your pictures of when you were little are pretty funny.
I thought the motto of UNCA is great: I will lift up my eyes onto the hills.
I tried to make some posts from the hotel, but I couldn't connect to this blog. I kept hoping somebody else would post a prayer, and was thankful to see Barb's thoughts/prayers, but sorry I couldn't share my response. It really was amazing how the majesty of the mountains makes you feel so small and yet so much a part of the world. Sort of protected.
God, I thank you for this beautiful earth. I have lifted my eyes onto the mountains and sensed your power and glory. I ask that some of that awesome power will heal Ashley. Returning from Asheville I couln't help but notice how good she looks. She has gained weight, she is smiling a lot more, and running, and going to Sunny's games. I thank you and praise you for this, Creator of the mountains and the trees and the blue skies. I pray that you will give Ashley the strength she needs to continue her journey towards healing and wholeness. Restore her lungs to complete health, I pray. Give her rest and joy today and each day. As each of us prays in the name by which we know you, I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.
I spent the weekend in Asheville with Benji looking at UNCA. He's going to apply and hopes to attend school in the mountains. I couldn't help but think about Ashley the whole time. She must have been inspired by those mountains from an early age. I can picture her--a radical feminist, probably by age 5, trying to fight for justice while singing and dancing and looking like a cute little imp. Sorry, Ash, but your pictures of when you were little are pretty funny.
I thought the motto of UNCA is great: I will lift up my eyes onto the hills.
I tried to make some posts from the hotel, but I couldn't connect to this blog. I kept hoping somebody else would post a prayer, and was thankful to see Barb's thoughts/prayers, but sorry I couldn't share my response. It really was amazing how the majesty of the mountains makes you feel so small and yet so much a part of the world. Sort of protected.
God, I thank you for this beautiful earth. I have lifted my eyes onto the mountains and sensed your power and glory. I ask that some of that awesome power will heal Ashley. Returning from Asheville I couln't help but notice how good she looks. She has gained weight, she is smiling a lot more, and running, and going to Sunny's games. I thank you and praise you for this, Creator of the mountains and the trees and the blue skies. I pray that you will give Ashley the strength she needs to continue her journey towards healing and wholeness. Restore her lungs to complete health, I pray. Give her rest and joy today and each day. As each of us prays in the name by which we know you, I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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